The most hilariously awkward jokes from Clinton and Trump's post-debate roast
After calling time on their third and final presidential debate,
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have been reunited for the Al Smith
Memorial Dinner in New York where they each had a chance to step up and
take the mic.
The pair were at their best when they were being self-deprecating, but there were also some pretty sick burns dealt out on both sides.
#FeelingTheBurn.
Both candidates delivered Oscar-worthy smiles and showed they could take a joke, but we’re not going to lie, at times it got awkward, especially when Trump slipped from jokes into sledging - receiving more than a few boos.
We watched the video – you can too at the base of this page – and pulled out some of the best lines:
“I'm not known for my sense of humor. That's why it did take a village to write these jokes. People say I'm boring compared to Donald. But I'm not boring at all. In fact, I'm the life of every party I attend - and I've been to three.”
“Some people start out with a self-deprecating joke. Some people think this would be tough for me but the truth is I'm a modest person... Some people tell me modesty is my best quality.”
“People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants – a beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald sees the Statue of Liberty and sees a four… maybe a five if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair.”
“This is the first time ever, ever, that Hillary is sitting down and speaking to major corporate leaders and not getting paid for it.”
"It’s funny that I’m up here after Donald, I didn’t think he’d be ok with a peaceful transition of power."
“Now, you notice there is no teleprompter tonight, which is probably smart because maybe you saw Donald dismantle his prompter the other day. And I get that. They're hard to keep up with. And I'm sure it's harder when you're translating from the original Russian.”
“It allows the candidates the opportunity to meet the other candidate's team... I got the chance to meet the people who are working so hard to get her elected - there they are, the heads of NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC – there’s the New York Times right over there and the Washington Post – they’re working overtime.”
“It's a treat for all of you, too, because I charge a lot for speeches like this.”
“I've got to say, there are a lot of friendly faces in this room, people I've been privileged to know and to work with – I just want to put you all in a basket of adorables.”
“And Donald, after listening to your speech, I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it.”
"And even tonight, with all of the heated back and forth between my opponent and me at the debate last night, we have proven that we can actually be civil to each other. In fact, just before taking the dais, Hillary accidentally bumped into me and she very simply said, 'Pardon me.' I very quietly replied, ‘let me talk to you about that after I get into office.’”
“Michelle Obama gives a speech. And everyone loves it, it's fantastic. They think she's absolutely great. My wife, Melania, gives the exact same speech and people get on her case. And I don't get it. I don't know why. And it wasn't her fault ... Oh, I'm in trouble when I go home tonight. She didn't know about that one.”
“If Donald does win, it'll be awkward at the annual President's Day photo when all the former presidents gather at the White House. And not just with Bill. How is Barack going to get past the Muslim ban?”
“I'd like to address an important religious matter -- the issue of going to confession. Or as Hillary calls it, the Fourth of July weekend with FBI Director Comey.”
"You know Cardinal Dolan and I have some things in common, such as we both run impressive properties on Fifth Avenue. Of course, his is much more impressive than mine. That's because I built mine with my own beautifully formed hands."
"This is corny stuff."
“I wasn't really sure if Hillary was going to be here tonight because, I guess, you didn't send her invitation by email. Or maybe you did, and she just found out about it through the wonder of WikiLeaks. We've learned so much from WikiLeaks. For example, Hillary believes that it is vital to deceive the people by having one public policy and a totally different policy in private.”
“That's OK, I don't know who they're angry at, Hillary, you or I. For example, here she is tonight, in public, pretending not to hate Catholics.”
“Many people don't know this, but Rudy (Giuliani) actually got his start as a prosecutor going after wealthy New Yorkers who avoided paying taxes. But as the saying goes, if you can't beat 'em, go on Fox News and call 'em a genius.”
“You know, last night, I called Hillary a nasty woman. But this stuff is all relative... after listening to Hillary rattle on and on and on. I don't think so badly of Rosie O'Donnell anymore. In fact, I'm actually starting to like Rosie a lot.”
“This is such a special event that I took a break from my rigorous nap schedule to be here.”
Along with #TrumpBookReports, this meant today proved to be one of the lighter days of the campaign.
The pair were at their best when they were being self-deprecating, but there were also some pretty sick burns dealt out on both sides.
#FeelingTheBurn.
Both candidates delivered Oscar-worthy smiles and showed they could take a joke, but we’re not going to lie, at times it got awkward, especially when Trump slipped from jokes into sledging - receiving more than a few boos.
We watched the video – you can too at the base of this page – and pulled out some of the best lines:
Clinton at her most self-aware:
“I'm not known for my sense of humor. That's why it did take a village to write these jokes. People say I'm boring compared to Donald. But I'm not boring at all. In fact, I'm the life of every party I attend - and I've been to three.”
Trump at his most self-aware:
“Some people start out with a self-deprecating joke. Some people think this would be tough for me but the truth is I'm a modest person... Some people tell me modesty is my best quality.”
Clinton delivers a Liberty-slam:
“People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants – a beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald sees the Statue of Liberty and sees a four… maybe a five if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair.”
Trump on Clinton’s paid speeches:
“This is the first time ever, ever, that Hillary is sitting down and speaking to major corporate leaders and not getting paid for it.”
Clinton on Trump’s ‘rigged’ talk:
"It’s funny that I’m up here after Donald, I didn’t think he’d be ok with a peaceful transition of power."
Clinton’s Russia slam:
“Now, you notice there is no teleprompter tonight, which is probably smart because maybe you saw Donald dismantle his prompter the other day. And I get that. They're hard to keep up with. And I'm sure it's harder when you're translating from the original Russian.”
Trump on the media:
“It allows the candidates the opportunity to meet the other candidate's team... I got the chance to meet the people who are working so hard to get her elected - there they are, the heads of NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC – there’s the New York Times right over there and the Washington Post – they’re working overtime.”
Clinton on her paid speeches:
“It's a treat for all of you, too, because I charge a lot for speeches like this.”
Clinton on her ‘basket of deplorables’:
“I've got to say, there are a lot of friendly faces in this room, people I've been privileged to know and to work with – I just want to put you all in a basket of adorables.”
Clinton hit’s Trump on his running-mate:
“And Donald, after listening to your speech, I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it.”
Trump on jailing Clinton:
"And even tonight, with all of the heated back and forth between my opponent and me at the debate last night, we have proven that we can actually be civil to each other. In fact, just before taking the dais, Hillary accidentally bumped into me and she very simply said, 'Pardon me.' I very quietly replied, ‘let me talk to you about that after I get into office.’”
Trump on his wife’s accidental plagiarism:
“Michelle Obama gives a speech. And everyone loves it, it's fantastic. They think she's absolutely great. My wife, Melania, gives the exact same speech and people get on her case. And I don't get it. I don't know why. And it wasn't her fault ... Oh, I'm in trouble when I go home tonight. She didn't know about that one.”
Clinton’s edgiest joke:
“If Donald does win, it'll be awkward at the annual President's Day photo when all the former presidents gather at the White House. And not just with Bill. How is Barack going to get past the Muslim ban?”
Trump on Clinton’s emails:
“I'd like to address an important religious matter -- the issue of going to confession. Or as Hillary calls it, the Fourth of July weekend with FBI Director Comey.”
Trump jokes about his hands:
"You know Cardinal Dolan and I have some things in common, such as we both run impressive properties on Fifth Avenue. Of course, his is much more impressive than mine. That's because I built mine with my own beautifully formed hands."
Trump on his material:
"This is corny stuff."
Trump gets awkward…
“I wasn't really sure if Hillary was going to be here tonight because, I guess, you didn't send her invitation by email. Or maybe you did, and she just found out about it through the wonder of WikiLeaks. We've learned so much from WikiLeaks. For example, Hillary believes that it is vital to deceive the people by having one public policy and a totally different policy in private.”
… and when the audience booed, he doubled down:
“That's OK, I don't know who they're angry at, Hillary, you or I. For example, here she is tonight, in public, pretending not to hate Catholics.”
This Clinton joke landed flat:
“Many people don't know this, but Rudy (Giuliani) actually got his start as a prosecutor going after wealthy New Yorkers who avoided paying taxes. But as the saying goes, if you can't beat 'em, go on Fox News and call 'em a genius.”
Trump on Rosie O'Donnell:
“You know, last night, I called Hillary a nasty woman. But this stuff is all relative... after listening to Hillary rattle on and on and on. I don't think so badly of Rosie O'Donnell anymore. In fact, I'm actually starting to like Rosie a lot.”
Clinton takes aim at her own stamina:
“This is such a special event that I took a break from my rigorous nap schedule to be here.”
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